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How to Survive a Scary Movie
Oct. 31st, 2005 03:00 pm(because I haven't seen this net-sucker in circulation since the 90s):
1) When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. (It ain't, so start running!)
2) If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some sort of hedious fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away
immediately.
3) Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
4) As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
5) If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
6) Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
7) If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. (Note: Despite the fact that you are running at full speed and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.)
8) Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knifes in one of those wooden block thingies on your worksurface.
9)If a house you are in, or are approaching, tells you to "GET OUT!" leave immediately. Dude, it's a talking *house.* Who are you to argue?
10) If one of your children starts speaking in an ancient language they couldn't possibly have learned at school, shoot them immediately.
11) Never answer the phone in a house that you do not own. It aint the lottery commission telling you that you won.
12) Never taunt the axe weilding maniac. It never ends well.
13) If you open a kitchen closet and find meat hooks, do not stay for dinner.
14) If you are in the woods and wonder upon a group of people in black capes dancing and singing strange songs by a camp fire, do not join in. And do not under any circumstance reveal that you or someone in your party is a virgin.
1) When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. (It ain't, so start running!)
2) If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some sort of hedious fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away
immediately.
3) Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
4) As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
5) If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
6) Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
7) If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. (Note: Despite the fact that you are running at full speed and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.)
8) Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knifes in one of those wooden block thingies on your worksurface.
9)If a house you are in, or are approaching, tells you to "GET OUT!" leave immediately. Dude, it's a talking *house.* Who are you to argue?
10) If one of your children starts speaking in an ancient language they couldn't possibly have learned at school, shoot them immediately.
11) Never answer the phone in a house that you do not own. It aint the lottery commission telling you that you won.
12) Never taunt the axe weilding maniac. It never ends well.
13) If you open a kitchen closet and find meat hooks, do not stay for dinner.
14) If you are in the woods and wonder upon a group of people in black capes dancing and singing strange songs by a camp fire, do not join in. And do not under any circumstance reveal that you or someone in your party is a virgin.
