Science comes one step closer to solving The Question

[akashiver]

How did I miss this earlier?

Mathematical proof proves Vampires Can't Exist says Scientist

I think The Onion's Response is adequate for this situation, but vampire fans are pointing out that the "not all who are bitten turn into vampires" principle should also throw a wrench into his calculations.

Whatever.

Comments

[arcana-mundi.livejournal.com]

That skeptic is a sanctimonious boob who doesn't understand how impossible it is to prove a negative, especially with regard to things like UFOs, vampires, and unicorns. The lore always accomodates.

But how does this bring us one step closer to solving The Question?

[d-c-m.livejournal.com]

I love the Onion.

[akashiver.livejournal.com]

Dude, if there are no vampires, then VAMPIRES CAN'T BE HAVING SEX, CAN THEY???!

Sheesh.

(And yes, he's a total, overfunded boob. :) )

[arcana-mundi.livejournal.com]

Sooo... That still doesn't so much get us closer to the answer to The Question, it just begs the Question. (To the extent that it suggests that the unspoken co-premise "vampires exist" is false.)

Scientific studies getting us closer to the answer to the question would involve postmortem studies on "angel lust" (erections in corpses caused by gravitational lividity, and yeah, that's apparently actual medical slang), specifically the replicability of angel lust in dead bodies after the embalming process. If angel lust could be replicated in a corpse during embalming by positioning the corpse on its stomach, with its weight supported at a thirty-degree incline (as would be accomplished by supporting its weight on its arms, as in the missionary position), through gravitational force alone (embalming fluid of the precise fluid weight and viscosity as uncoagulated room temperature blood ought to be mandated for the study), then one could argue that a vampire could obtain an erection without difficulty as long as he was on top. Failure of the study to prove replicability of angel lust might not incontrovertibly disprove the possibility of vampiric erection, however, as there may be some hydraulic effect (perhaps natural or muscular, or the same daemonic animatory principle as causes the undead to continue to be capable of walking, etc.) motivating circulatory effect in the animate corpse, which is not testable or possessed in the inanimate corpses of the test subjects.

Of course, someone would have to be totally deranged to come up with an experiment like that! Heh. And I can't imagine a journal that would be willing to publish it. The Swedish Journal of Supernatural Teratology, I suppose.

[gollumgollum.livejournal.com]

On Jan 1, 1600, the human population was 536,870,911

What, did he go around and count??? That seems like an *awfully* specific number there, especially considering how sketchy the census was in certain parts of the world at the time.

His population estimate sucks, therefore he's wrong. End of story.

Yo.

[akashiver.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and I imagine that because it was a *human* census it left out all the vampires.

*duh*

[gollumgollum.livejournal.com]

U R so smrt.

[lillornyn.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

You're the best ever. Awesome logic for teh win!

[lyceum-arabica.livejournal.com]

i just like the fact that the guy's research is debunking popular myths, to promote 'literacy' (?) and that current levels of belief in such things are 'dangerously high'.

ok.

so the anne rice novels, whatever your personal opinion of them was, were in fact *books* and the people who got a bit too involved in them, did in fact need to be fairly highly literate in order to do so... i mean, i assume you can substitute in your own more abstract difinition of 'literacy'... but i really feel that if you're a highly capable reader then you're literate.

and what exactly is the 'danger' here? too many people shopping at hot topic?
(shrugs) gah. the math's not even good... if he actually wanted to say something worthwhile he ought to look at disease control modeling and not ignore the 'not everyone turns' point or any other of the potential varients. this is something you'd expect a high schooler to come up with after learning about exponential functions, to impress his friends at the lunch table.