Science comes one step closer to solving The Question

[akashiver]

How did I miss this earlier?

Mathematical proof proves Vampires Can't Exist says Scientist

I think The Onion's Response is adequate for this situation, but vampire fans are pointing out that the "not all who are bitten turn into vampires" principle should also throw a wrench into his calculations.

Whatever.

Comments

[arcana-mundi.livejournal.com]

Sooo... That still doesn't so much get us closer to the answer to The Question, it just begs the Question. (To the extent that it suggests that the unspoken co-premise "vampires exist" is false.)

Scientific studies getting us closer to the answer to the question would involve postmortem studies on "angel lust" (erections in corpses caused by gravitational lividity, and yeah, that's apparently actual medical slang), specifically the replicability of angel lust in dead bodies after the embalming process. If angel lust could be replicated in a corpse during embalming by positioning the corpse on its stomach, with its weight supported at a thirty-degree incline (as would be accomplished by supporting its weight on its arms, as in the missionary position), through gravitational force alone (embalming fluid of the precise fluid weight and viscosity as uncoagulated room temperature blood ought to be mandated for the study), then one could argue that a vampire could obtain an erection without difficulty as long as he was on top. Failure of the study to prove replicability of angel lust might not incontrovertibly disprove the possibility of vampiric erection, however, as there may be some hydraulic effect (perhaps natural or muscular, or the same daemonic animatory principle as causes the undead to continue to be capable of walking, etc.) motivating circulatory effect in the animate corpse, which is not testable or possessed in the inanimate corpses of the test subjects.

Of course, someone would have to be totally deranged to come up with an experiment like that! Heh. And I can't imagine a journal that would be willing to publish it. The Swedish Journal of Supernatural Teratology, I suppose.