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My roomate rented the new "Dawn of the Dead" last night, so of course I had to watch it. Like "Shaun of the Dead," it seems to have originated in a conversation about how one could make the original Dawn of the Dead into a scarier movie. Scene by scene, the remake is far more intense than the original, but at the end of the day (no pun intended) it's just a pastiche of Dawn of the Dead and "28 Days Later." Stephen King seems to think it was one of the best movies of the year - whatever. If the only way the filmmakers can create suspense is by having them do dumb, dumb things the average five-year-old would think better of, then the story needs help.
The ball gets rolling early when the characters arrive at a zombie-surrounded mall, split up (of course), and instead of sending making sure each exploration party has a gun, send the gunman and the crowbar-armed man off in opposite directions. Let's see: of the two of them, who do you think will encounter problems? Sure enough, crowbar man stumbles across a half-eaten body in a dark sports department. Realizing he's about 0.5 seconds from becoming zombie-chow, he does what any of us would do under the circumstances: he puts down his heavy, metal, pointy crowbar and picks up a nearby croquet mallet. After all, if you were about to be attacked by a turbo-charged member of the cannabilistic undead, which weapon would you prefer? a) A solid bat of metal or b), a flimsy stick of wood used to knock balls around at garden tea parties?
Please note: if you answered b), you get eaten by zombies. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200!
This is early in the movie, and therefore the character's decision is fairly sensible given what follows in the last quarter of the film. Let's just say that, when faced with two obvious choices - a) sensible survivalist choice and b) suicidally stupid choice - the chracters *repeatedly* choose b! The filmmakers, to give them credit, actually introduce a character whose function is to point out to the audience just how suicidal certain plans are, at which point the other characters shrug and carry on with what they're doing.
Sigh. The following spoilerish list, is my advice on how to survive a zombie plague, based on the film:
1) If given a choice between saving your own life or saving that of a family pet, leave Fido to take his own chances.
2) Particularly if you have already found out that the zombies don't hurt animals.
3) If you are a nurse and a zombie-ravaged pregnant woman is left in your care, it might be a good idea to check on her health oh, maybe, ONCE?
4) If you are living in a mall, take advantage of this opportunity! Slingshots, food, and ready-made cells are at your disposal! Belive it or not, a mall is good for more than just its furniture!
5) If you need to pass something over the heads of a hoarde of zombies onto the roof of a different building, use a slingshot (see 4). Believe it or not, this is actually safer than getting someone to open a ground-level door in their building and send someone out carrying stuff.
6) If you think someone might be at risk of turning into a zombie, stick them in one of the many mall-cells you use for people who annoy you (see 4)!
7) If you're given a choice of two temporary homes one of which is well-fortified and equipped, and the other of which is unfortified, has no access to food or water, and may not even exist - go with the first one.
The ball gets rolling early when the characters arrive at a zombie-surrounded mall, split up (of course), and instead of sending making sure each exploration party has a gun, send the gunman and the crowbar-armed man off in opposite directions. Let's see: of the two of them, who do you think will encounter problems? Sure enough, crowbar man stumbles across a half-eaten body in a dark sports department. Realizing he's about 0.5 seconds from becoming zombie-chow, he does what any of us would do under the circumstances: he puts down his heavy, metal, pointy crowbar and picks up a nearby croquet mallet. After all, if you were about to be attacked by a turbo-charged member of the cannabilistic undead, which weapon would you prefer? a) A solid bat of metal or b), a flimsy stick of wood used to knock balls around at garden tea parties?
Please note: if you answered b), you get eaten by zombies. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200!
This is early in the movie, and therefore the character's decision is fairly sensible given what follows in the last quarter of the film. Let's just say that, when faced with two obvious choices - a) sensible survivalist choice and b) suicidally stupid choice - the chracters *repeatedly* choose b! The filmmakers, to give them credit, actually introduce a character whose function is to point out to the audience just how suicidal certain plans are, at which point the other characters shrug and carry on with what they're doing.
Sigh. The following spoilerish list, is my advice on how to survive a zombie plague, based on the film:
1) If given a choice between saving your own life or saving that of a family pet, leave Fido to take his own chances.
2) Particularly if you have already found out that the zombies don't hurt animals.
3) If you are a nurse and a zombie-ravaged pregnant woman is left in your care, it might be a good idea to check on her health oh, maybe, ONCE?
4) If you are living in a mall, take advantage of this opportunity! Slingshots, food, and ready-made cells are at your disposal! Belive it or not, a mall is good for more than just its furniture!
5) If you need to pass something over the heads of a hoarde of zombies onto the roof of a different building, use a slingshot (see 4). Believe it or not, this is actually safer than getting someone to open a ground-level door in their building and send someone out carrying stuff.
6) If you think someone might be at risk of turning into a zombie, stick them in one of the many mall-cells you use for people who annoy you (see 4)!
7) If you're given a choice of two temporary homes one of which is well-fortified and equipped, and the other of which is unfortified, has no access to food or water, and may not even exist - go with the first one.
